help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
