i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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