I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
