i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
