If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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