I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Randomize
