i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
