If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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