Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
