So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
