wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
