'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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