Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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