Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
