Three words: puerto rican gang bang
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
