How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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