Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
