woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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