so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
