1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
