I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
