Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
