the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
