Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
