You're completely useless in the revolution.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize