Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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