I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize