On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
