I'm drive I can fine osifer
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
