Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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