my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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