Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
