He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
