she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
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