Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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