tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Dignity is for republicans.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
