Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Apparently you make a good broom.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
