do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
