thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
