these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
