OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
why does every cop we meet know your name?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
