isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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