im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
