If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i barfeds in our rink
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
