you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Houston, we have a blender
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
