I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
