Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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