mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
