we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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