and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
