Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So here I am, sexting at work.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
