I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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