if i can run in heels then i can drive
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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