you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
