She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
