I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We had to coat check the pizza.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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