4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
