Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize