last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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