And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I need water and some morals
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