Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
