He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
