just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
