Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
