Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
