Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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