i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize