that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
