Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
