they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It's never too late to be topless.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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