I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
