Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
