So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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